From A Foetus To Ashes: My conversation with God.
“Verily We created man from a product of wet earth; then placed him as a drop (of seed) in a safe lodging; then We fashioned the drop into a clot, then We fashioned the clot into a little lump, then We fashioned the little lump into bones, then clothed the bones with flesh, and then produced it another creation. So blessed be Allāh, the Best of Creators!” [23:12-14]
As I kept evolving inside what is now known to me as a womb, I wondered where I was, in a place so comfortable with food coming in and warmth of the highest level, yet I always overheard a conversation between two individuals, as they kept getting anxious about my gender and how they would prepare for my arrival, I asked God to end their anxiety and tell them my gender, upon which he replied:
“To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what he wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He gives to whom He wills males.” [42:49]
As days went by, I was amazed at the transformation I had gone through, from a small foetus to a being with bones covered in flesh, I heard the same sound of the two voices saying I would be in their hands in the next few days, and they would be a Mother and a Father to a baby. I asked God, who are these people, how do I know who is a mother and who is a father? To which God replied:
“Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]. Upon the father is the mothers’ provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable.” [2:233]
And so, I prepared for my departure from the most comfortable of places, and was now en route to the real world. But, a thought always crossed my mind: why did God create me? What do I have to go and do out there? It wasn’t long till God spoke to me once again:
“And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” [51;56]
I was puzzled, how did God know what was in my mind? And he responded:
“And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein.” [50:16]
As my arrival to the world was announced, I was ready to embrace a new challenge and to fulfil the covenant by God in regards to my creation. Hence, I began my growing up journey…
“And his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years.” [46:15]
And so I sat and pondered, I questioned myself as to what I am supposed to do from the age of maturity, what is my responsibility? And once again, God responded:
“The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger.” [9:71]
But then He also warned me about the evil spirit who will try to misguide me:
“Surely the Shaitaan is your enemy, so take him for an enemy; he only invites his party that they may be inmates of the burning.” [35:6]
I was shocked! Why would someone want to take me away from God? What do I do when he comes to me? Who will help me overcome this difficulty? And a voice from the sky responded saying,
“And when My slaves ask you concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me. So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright.” [2:186]
Now that I had gotten hold of my life, my actions, I knew my ways and I was now earning a fortune. For me, all that mattered was my children and the wealth I have, God was a name I only called upon when faced with difficulties. Life had a new purpose to me, it was nothing but pleasure. But only then, did God remind me of his existence when he whispered:
“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allah! With Him is a great reward (Paradise).” [64:15]
I was astonished! Where am I? Why am I lost in this world of pleasures! Was it not the time to head back to my Guardian Angel? What happened to all those conversations with God? Will he forgive me? Will he answer me? And he then proclaimed:
“Say: O My servants who have acted extravagantly against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah; surely Allah forgives all sins; surely He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” [39:53]
This was a relief; I sat down on my prayer mat, raised my hands towards the sky and said:
“O our Lord! Forgive me and my parents and believers on the day when the reckoning shall come to pass!” [14:41]
From there on, I went back to daily routines, to earn a living for my family and to enjoy the pleasures of the world. I knew God would forgive, so I would go back to him when I needed, I had no reason to depend on him, I had all that I wanted.
“And of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil deeds until death faces one of them and he says, “Now I repent,”…for them We have prepared a painful torment.” [4:18]
I was now a big man, with my children all grown up, living the luxurious life, all of which were a reason of my own efforts, no one helped me, I don’t think God did either. Just like every other day, I prepared for my evening nap, when I saw a creature, with an angry face approach me, holding me by my neck, wanting to take my life away.
In a terrified voice, I asked? Who are you?
To which he fiercely replied:
Angel: Oh Man, God has sent me to accomplish the task I have been created for. I have been told to inform you that your “appointed term” has come to an end, and today, is your return to God.
I screamed, I tried pushing him away, I called upon God for help! I wasn’t ready for death. The angel replied: “[Death] is what you have been avoiding!” [50:19]
I desperately pleaded the angel to give me some time, so that I may ask God for forgiveness, to which he replied:
“By no means! It is a (mere) word that [you speak]” [23:100]
As he snatched my soul from me, he said:
“So, whoever does an atom’s weight of good shall see it; and whoever does an atom’s weight of evil shall see it.” [99:7-8]
As my soul approached its final exit, and my journey back to my lord befell upon me, God said:
“Inna lilahi wa inna ilayhi raajeooon” (“Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.” [2:156]
I could feel the promised blazing fire and this is when I realized God was right when He promised:
“Until when death overtakes one of them, he says: Send me back, my Lord, send me back.” [23:99]
Oh man! Remember, “Every soul shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception.” [2:185]
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